If you’ve ever had the feeling “same shit, higher dimension”, I’m sure you’d fit right in on Fifth World Problems, a subreddit in the key of First World Problems, and a place for extradimensional beings to air their cosmic gripes.
Most of the submissions and their respective commentary are childish lunacy, but among the smarter entries lie some fascinating thought experiments. I find myself stretching for a scientifically reasoned solution, if only I weren’t so limited by my inferior human mind!
Equally silly and clever, here are some of my favourites for your delectation and amusement:
- My membrane girlfriend and I didn’t use protection when we collided and now we’re going to have a universe. I’m not ready to be a deity but my family is pro-existence. What do I do?
- Minutes have stopped accumulating as hours. It’s now 4:237 PM and my boss still won’t let me punch out
- I forgot my admin password and now my memories are read-only.
- I hired a möbius stripper for a party but she finished her act with her clothes still on and I can’t get a refund.
- My neutrinos were caught speeding, now my insurance is going up √-17 %
- I am the very thing I am typing and am terrified that submitting myself will result in a collapse of my consciousness.
- I was unwittingly assigned to be controlled by a modulation wheel. Now I sound like dubstep.
- I forced the alive and dead versions of Schrödinger’s cat to mate. The resultant offspring has enslaved my family.
- I accidntally dstroyd a prtty important lttr.
- I commissioned an artist to paint me a fractal and I think he is just trying to milk this project out for more payment. Will he ever be done?
Any favourites of your own? Or any solutions, even? Post them over at Fifth World Problems or let’s talk them out in the comments.